Keeping busy...

wouldn't it be nice if people warned you they were going to give it sometimes?

I've gotten a lot of advice since Sebastian's death...some of it's been good and some has been completely absurd. I'm sure this is mostly because everyone greives differently and not everything works for everyone. One of the best pieces of advice that I've gotten for coping is to stay busy and that’s what I've been doing lately.

I am currently working on raising money for the March of Dimes, starting my own business, working on my body, exploring a new belief, taking care of 3 dogs and 3 puppies, cooking, cleaning and keeping things running smoothly for my family-not to mention keeping up my with my online support groups. I would write more here but lately every time I sit down to write I can’t complete a thought. My mind is going a thousand miles a minute all the time and this is just part of the process for me, I guess. I know this is going to sound corny and come off a lot more spiritual than I mean it to but this year is like being born again.

In the past five months I have been working on becoming a different person. Not really that different, just…the kind of person I've wanted to be my whole life but for some reason haven’t been able to. I want to be the kind of person that you can come to for anything, the kind of person that people look up to, I want to make a difference and show the world that it hasn't broken me. I have forgiven myself, I have accepted the loss-as well as I can, and I am moving forward. I think of him every day…many times a day. I still cry, I still get mad, and I fail over and over at what I want to do but I am living again and it’s a pretty good feeling.